Dosret at Night video gets 13493769,000 hits on YouTube

A new video of Dosret filmed at night-time has broken all records on YouTube.

It was filmed by a Dosret goatherd high on a hill (notorious dogging spot) who left his camera switched on by accident.

The video shows incredible never-seen-before footage of the night skies in Dosret, which are completely black!

The goatherd, Dick Lovett, said: “I uploaded it to YouTube and it became an online sensation. I’m not sure why. I think people want to see the dogging but it’s too dark for that innit.”

Dick has now come to realise there could be lots of money in this filming lark and has decided to carry on his nocturnal creativities by filming the inside of his pocket and up his goat’s bum.

You can watch Dosret by Night if you click on this link please:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK7ROQ0pjtc&feature=youtu.be

 

More olimipick coverage

Well it’s been really exciting. Thats all we have time for.  Thanks Rusty Oldhach, our up to the minute sports reporter.

Back to the pub now Rusty?

Jellyfish scurge scurges Dosret

Jellyfish is greatly feared in Dosret. They bring bad luck which is no lol matter nor a superstition but Actual Fact. Why? Because jellyfish puts off tourists. If no one buys ice creams, cuppas of tea, starving Dosret students don’t afford university.

The scurge – as I’m calling it – is at Studland. Yes, you guessed it: this is by far the poshest bit of Dosret. It is where personages from the capital city of England called London bring their children, nanneys, oh pears and Range Landrovers. And their enormous wallets – yes!

Studland is where the ice cream money is. Bad Fact number One. Also, this scurge is the green jellyfish which are the worst. Bad Fact number Two. There is no Bad Fact number Three YET. BUT if a tiny, pretty babygirl from Wimbledon gets stung then we’re right in the shit deepwater.

Busty you ask, why are the green jellyfish SO bad? I tell you, no word of a lie it’s the horrible disgusting taste of lime. This is a flavour that everyone hates and not one person likes. Fact. I don’t need no marketing degree  to tell you that. Red jellyfish? Strawberry – no problem. We have to pray for this.

Please be careful and if you see any colour jellyfish, or worse, the rare and VERY dangerous sub species Angeldelite email me busty@jellyscurge.org. Or if you’re male 20-65 good looking, GSOH also email me :)) LOL.

Dosret Meateaterological Society Reports Summer Dryest on Record.

Large erection prompts stiff opposition in Weymuff

A gurt big pole with a donut on the top has proved a controversial addition to Weymuff’s historic sea frontage (no, we’re not talking about Mavis and Betty’s frontage, both of whom sit on the Esplanade every lunchtime exposing themselves to bemused tourists).

It was commissioned and built by Dosret millionaire Earl Grey, incumbent of Arundel Fitzpayne Daphne Rugger of Piddle, who wanted a lookout post from invaders from the North. To his Dismay (his middle child), the tower faces South. Also, because of a design flaw, the windows of the tower need cleaning twice daily because seagulls perch above them and apply copious amounts of guano to the new panes of glass. Andy Gully of Gully Cleaning Services, Weymuff, said “seagulls are dirty little bastards, but they keep me in a job.” Mr Gully’s business provides all your Weymuff cleaning needs.

The tower glows green at night, partly lit by the Olympick-inspired laser lights on the seafront, partly because of its highly radioactive building materials. The lasers have sparked controversy in Weymuff too. Dosret Dairies interviewed the aforementioned Betty Fondle: “I went to one of them John Michael-Jar concerts in the 80s. In comparison, this is a bit shit.”

Children to hunt for world’s dictators

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Betty's, cunty, Trumpet

Youngsters are being challenged to spot and identify dictators of the world in Dosretshire shops.

The Dosretshire BID (Betty’s Indelicate Dimmer switches), the shire’s chamber of commerce and Dorsetshire Shire Council will be running the Dictators of the World competition from Saturday, 21st July.

A total of 120 dictators will be displayed in numerous shops and businesses in the cunty town to coincide with the Olympics.

Children will be tasked with locating and correctly identifying as many of the dictators as they can.

Each shop will hand out a sticker to anyone taking part in the competition who correctly guesses the dictator in their store.

Whoever guesses the most dictators win £75 to spend in one of the participating shops, with the runner-up a £40 voucher and third place £20.

Competition organiser, Major Trumpet, said: ‘What a great way to spend some of the school holidays having a hunt around the shire to see if you can collect the complete set of dictators.’

Turnip for the books

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turnips

Some turnips in Dosret yesterday.

BinWatch is back!

Can you believe it? Yes it’s that time of year already and we are back in Dosret for Summer BinWatch.

The great news this year is that, despite the dreadful weather and hideous-looking tourists, Dosret bins are literally teeming with life. Bin twitchers are here from all over the world to observe and record the activity.

Throughout July and August, we’re expecting to see bins bursting with a dazzling display of crap, such as half eaten fish and chips, ice cream and sweet wrappers, condoms, lubricants and drinks.

The BBC Bin Watch team is installed – in a hide right down on the Cobb at Lyme Regis, in a prime location for filming the action.

‘Every year it blows my mind, it’s just so beautiful watching the tourists coming right up to the bins, putting their rubbish in and walking away. We’re literally feet away from them,’ whispered presenter Katy Fumble.

Bin Watch will be bringing you a daily round up of the day’s activity and you can also visit our website for LIVE BinCam images. This year for the first time, the BBC have actually put a webcam actually INSIDE the bin, so you can have see and experience unique, exclusive incredible images of rubbish falling INTO a Dosret bin.

It’s a busy few weeks. Soon September will be here and the bins will go into hibernation, visited only by the odd flurry of Werther Originals from old pensioners shuffling along the front.  But no thoughts of that now. The bins must make full use of the warm weather to build themselves up for the winter.

This year BinWatch hopes to bring you exclusive images, never seen before on television (or anywhere else) of Dosret bins actually mating.

‘I seen bins at it on the front but mind you, it was dark and I was totally shit-faced, so I couldn’t be sure,’ said a Lyme Regis local.

That’s enough of a tip-off to keep our team up all night watching and waiting for a BinBonk exclusive. Stay with us at www.dosretbinwatch.org.

 

On the pull in Pool

I got a strong urge to visit a new part of Dosretshire called Pool and when Busty gets an urge, let me tell you, she gives in to it!!

Pool is a ‘top destination’ where many rich millionaires live. I (and maybe a thousand other babe bitches) WLTM a millionaire for laughs, good times – mostly marriage, no pre-nup.

First stop – Pool hospital. I recommend this for a single lady day out because it’s free to get in and there are many handsome doctors. Also, visiting a millionaire in his sickbed is an act of Eastern European caring kindness. Plus, he’s sick – he don’t go away, lol. It’s a secret Busty ‘dating strategy’.

In the hospital, there are 3 cafes (yes!) plus shops selling sweets, magazines, flowers – in fact, everything a sick man needs. Except sex in his bed. But don’t worry, lol, that’s where I come in.

It was not as easy as I thought to a) spot the millionaires or c) show them a good time. None of the sick men had Rolex watches on. I got no help from the nurses who were not friendly. They want to keep all the rich patients to themselves.

After a day’s big effort, I have not had success but ‘I’ll be back’ as I always say, to quote my favourite singer Britney Speers.

 

Busty gets a New Look

This week, the question burning a hole in my crop circle is: is it possible to ‘Dress Stylishly in Dosret’?

No!! lol.

Seriously, it’s not Southampton innit but it’s still a big question. Especially for some of the horsey type Dosret laydees who don’t always look exactly what we call in Slovakia – marriage material. I, Busty have been on a retail therapy course and now can share with you how to stop looking like a skanky old baggage (joke!) and more like the townie people laughing and looking stylish in that shop Fat Bum Face, whatever.

My first advice is to totally go to New Look because this is a proper Dosret shop. Not many people know this and it has become very successful all over the world and the wide web. We should ‘buy local’. Myself, I can’t fit my luxury size hooters in any of their scrawny little tops but you will love this shop. If you are older than 25, you will need a teenage girl to shop with you. If you have no teenage girl, do what I do:  borrow one! They are hanging round everywhere. Don’t think bad thoughts that this is shoplifting but rather a new current hobby among Dosret youngsters called ‘looking for a job’.