Berk’s Peerage

Family Name: EARL GREY

Incumbent: ARUNDEL FITZPAYNE DAPHNE RUGGER OF PIDDLE

Biography: WOODROUGH SCHOOL, DORCHESTER UNIVERSITY.

Motto: MORE TEA, VICAR?

Lineage: DESCENDED FROM THOMAS HARDY

Arms: 2.

Clubs: Trainspotters, Swingers.


Family Name: TWITT

Incumbent: WEST DOSRETSHIRE CRICKET CLUB TEA ROOMS AND OUTHOUSES

Biography: SIR JOHN SMALLPOX SCHOOL, MEng IN TEXTILES FROM WOOL UNIVERSITY

Motto: ANY HOLE’S A GOAL

Arms: TURNIP

Political views: I DON’T CARE WHAT ANY OF THEY LONDON FOLK THINK. AS LONG AS THEY DON’T GO INTERFERIN’ WITH MY LAND.


Family Name: SCHITT

Incumbent: STANLEY SCHITT OF SHITTERTON

Biography: FAMILY ROSE FROM OBSCURE ORIGINS IN EARLY 18TH CENTURY DUE TO SUCCESS IN ‘THE BRISTOL TRADE’ TO FOUND SUCCESSFUL MERCHANT BANK

Motto: DON’T MENTION THE SLAVE TRADE

Arms: TURD RAMPANT ON A BED OF LETTUCE

Political views: ANY AS LONG AS THEY RECOGNISE THE BENEFITS OF OFFSHORE ARRANGEMENTS

Clubs: DOGGERS

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