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The manhunt continues for 86-year-old Farmer Pete, and his violent attack dog Fluffles. Police have been searching for Pete Dung since Monday lunchtime. He got into a fight with a young couple who were eating a romantic lunch at The Horse and Concubine. Mr. and Mrs. Arse-Smith said they were shocked and appalled at Mr. Dung’s actions, and also noted the strong smell of manure about his person.

This is not the first time the police have been interested in him. His actions in the 80s got him the name ‘Pete The Piddletrenthyde Pervert’, but this is a new notch in his portfolio of crime.

If you happen to see Mr. Dung, please email Piddletrenthyde Criminal Corrections and Bridge Club officer Sue ‘Butch’ Walker – hotbabe999@dorset.police.uk

PS: Fluffles has given birth to three adorable puppies, available now for re-homing. Your’s for just £50 each, as a donation to the upkeep of this revolutionary Internet Web-site.