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Alright? Here goes then. Reports in from the Environments Agents people in Londonshire say it’s going to piss down big time all day today. And all night too.

If you haven’t got a good cagoule, you know like an expensive one with a Gawtex lining, you’re screwed. That’s all you gotta know.

Advice from the mapsters is to cancel everything; do not attempt to enjoy yourself. You might want to smash up your barbecue as a precaution.

Find out more about breaking wind and weather at  www.icantbelieveitsnotsummer.org.